Imagine you are walking down a cobbled laneway. tucked into a stoned wall corner is a curious looking giftshop. you walk inside and are overwhelmed by the amazing array and diversity of objects the giftshop displays. the shopkeeper informs you may select any item in the shop but no money must change hands. For trade of the object, you must leave behind one negative trait or experience from your lifetime.

i stared at the tribal empress mask, the bundle of old rusty keys and other strange, yet familiar items. and then i saw it. reaching for the silver gilded handle, i lifted the hand mirror off the shelf. “And how will you be paying today?” the woman asked me. ” With self-doubt” I answered.  And as I carefully placed the mirror into my bag, I left my payment there, bleeding and worthless on the counter.

i just wanted to sleep

i certainly didnt want to talk to anyone, meet anyone. but i followed the nurse down to the art rooms and sat with the 20 or so other people in the room. i don’t remember much besides selecting an image and interpreting wat it meant to me in the drawing below.  It took me an hour. and then i went back and slept.

session 1

on april 2 2010, my life changed forever. i was happily coming down what i thought was ”happiness street” and even though i saw the upcoming orange roadblocks and signage ahead, i just kept walking along in good faith.

i don’t remember what happened next. and i wasn’t allowed to remember in the weeks, months to come. and so i just stopped. no right turn, no left, no going up or down, do not enter, wrong way. so i just stopped.

in the months ahead, in attempting to find the right road back, I sat in a circle with many broken people and allowed art to heal me. yes i am an artist but i had underestimated the healing properties of my passion. i had overestimated the importance of the product and was completely ignorant to the therapy of the process.

it’s taken me 4 months to find the courage to share my experiences here. it is difficult to relive much of what will seem quite poorly executed drawings and imagery.

many would call this art therapy. to me it was  and is healing.

I’ve been MIA. Kidnapped by an illusion, delusion, deceptive fairytale. But I’m back stronger, wiser, albeit cynical about honesty, truth and love.

But I’m back!

And my art will prove that!

Amongst many other beautiful people, my dear friend Maria has helped me work through this recent turbulence – well not so recent. She imparted her knowledge, wisdom and insight to me back in November – gave me a shake and a jolt in January and again in March. Did I listen? NOOOOOOOOOOO! Blinded by lies and stupidity and selective hearing, Maria’s given me 3 ultimatums now! The truth or my sanity;  priority or my family; and lastly, acceptance or her friendship. I listened…………….finally….. to Maria and my Angels!

Maria is my psychic and now my very dear friend. I can thank Andrew at least for introducing us. Yesterday, Maria presented me with over 130 angel cards and told me to pick ONE – just one! That card, she said, would guide me away from this dark place full of lies to the path I’m meant to be following. Do you believe that the card above is the one I drew?

Enough said.

Oh, and my ‘love’, as much as we did have some amazing times and as much as we adored this song …….I DO believe you now. In fact, it is the ONLY lie I will ever believe where you’re concerned!

my heart

my soul

And I won’t be far from where you are if ever you should call

You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all

But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you

This is what I have to do

Missy Higgins “Where I Stood”

thank you for my heart and soul

xxxxxx

but i’m still up there on cloud 9.

me and janet - gallery co-owner, teacher, colleague & friend! Is there anything this woman can't do?

The entire experience, including opening night, exceeded my every expectation. But did I really have any expectations?

Over 200 people lent me their support by attending the opening on october 30 – overwhelming to say the least! and then there were those who would’ve been with me if they could have but sent me wonderful words of congratulations and encouragement for the night. thank you misty, samm, mandy, trish and terri in particular.

I am so grateful to janet and thel, preston street artspace  co-owners,  for the opportunity to show my work for the very first time. I am so pleased it was a win/win situation. thanks to my mum and dad for the drinks – enough 3 times over but they always cater to excess! thanks also to mum and lex for the food; my babies for serving and to everyone who was kind enough to come or actually purchase a piece of my work. yes! i actually SOLD!

me & my beautiful friend and fellow artist kirsty - so pleased this work found it's home with her.

the ‘beyondblue’ group project was a fabulous success with over 30 people donating their original 10cmx10cm canvases to the exhibition and allowing us to sell them with all proceeds going to the charity. thank you to all the artists and to all the new art owners!

the original artworks donated to the beyondblue project! we raised $320 people!

my brother bren spoke on my behalf………..     that’s all I can really say without bursting into tears or laughter.

jodine mcbride, my friend, colleaugues and Yr12 Art Teacher way back when, opened for me and it was such a nostalgic moment knowing I had envisioned this happening 26 years ago. Her recollections of my final year of high school were amazing and in some instances, more vivid than mine. it reaffirms that as teachers we do certainly save places in our hearts for certain students and memories. what an inspiration! what a friend!

finally, a monumental note of thanks goes to my sista kez! I simply couldn’t have done it without her! this woman is incredible! she’s helping me with my ‘tude! it’s all in the ‘tude, isn’t it kez???????? I am inspired and encouraged and in awe of this woman!

And so? Where to now?

In revisiting the title of my exhibition -vicissitude -(essentially meaning ‘variations in circumstances or fortune at different times in your life’), I realise that no matter how we plan, protect or prepare ourselves, what Life has to offer is remarkably unpredictible.

The bottom line is that there are vicissitudes in life and many come  before we are ready for them. The current mood I’m in, I say BRING THEM ON!

so, vi-cis-si-tude? where did the title come from? i can thank ms harrison for that. As my ‘graphic designer extraordinaire’ she wholly and soully took on the task of the invite, including coming up with a title that wasn’t as pathetically twee as those i had come up with.

vicissitude, according to the oxford dictionary means

‘one of the sudden or unexpected changes in one’s life, activities or surroundings’.

all I will say is ‘eeriely apt’.

also, we thought it was a playful take on my name and the word ‘attitude’. done deal!

and what about this image, which has become a sort of visual icon for the exhibition?

it’s cropped from one of the foldout books i’ve created and is probably my favourite work in the exhibition. symbolically autobiographic, i love the image for so many reasons.

foldout books- 'shhh...don't say a word' & 'what if the woodcutter did his job?'

and so, thanks to my beautiful and talented friend kerry harrison, this is the final invitation to my 1st solo exhibition. I LOVE IT!

ok, this thing really is gonna happen!

and so, i guess there’s only one more thing to say…………..

“would you like to attend the opening?”

last friday night the four of us went to pink!’s funhouse concert at the dome. i expected a show but WHAT A SHOW! she is amazing and absolutely stunning! such charisma and presence. the show itself was a visual spectacle. fantastic costumes, lighting, choreography, musicians but it was her voice that blew me away. that and the fact i knew all but 1 song which always makes a concert that bit more enjoyable.

probably though the best thing about the night was watching the kids’ faces as they saw the sheer size of the crowd and then the actual event come to life. we’ve been building up to this concert for months and i really don’t think they had any idea what to expect. jak rocked out and sung the entire night. chloe, remaining cool was a little more subdued but her applause and screams gave her away at the end of every song.

we had the best night.

and of course ed and i just went along to chaperone the kids…….yeah right!

Seven seemingly beautiful little girls transformed themselves into Vampirellas and stalked the suburban streets until they reached the shops in search of grape slushies and hot chips. On return home, the vamps were transformed again into screaming, wrestling, screeching banshees by bucketloads of lollies and birthday cake – these antics lasted until 4 or 5 in the morning, proving the theory that vampires don’t sleep at night.

and so, the celebrations continue this Friday night with the Pink! concert, a family party on Saturday night and finish off with Jak and a couple of mates going to the  movies on Sunday. Love this time of year……..love even more the fact that it’s over 12 months til we do it again!